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this was supposed to be happy

by Now It's Art

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1.
Better 02:10
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I'm just hoping that things will get better I'm just waiting for things to get better Just keep telling myself it gets better I just really hope it gets better soon Every time I start to feel like Everything is finally right Things just go south after a few Now I just don't know what I should do I can't get along with you I'm just hoping that things will get better I'm just waiting for things to get better Just keep telling myself it gets better I just really hope it gets better 'Cause if things just don't get better I don't know if I'll get better 'Cause I've sure got worse since ever God I just hope things get better soon I guess I just made things get worse I'm just forced to live with this curse Now my head swells with thoughts of death Every intake is a heavy breath I don't know if I hurt you What if I made it all up? I'm just a worthless sack Why can't everyone just shut up? Be happy, and please don't send me back I can only take so much so please stop I'm sorry I said anything please stop this I just stood up for myself, but I'll stop I can't take anymore now I just feel worthless I'm just hoping that things will get better I'm just waiting for things to get better Just keep telling myself it gets better I just really hope it gets better soon
2.
Nothing Turned Out How I Wanted 02:50
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Everybody wake up Everybody wake up Everybody wake up Everybody wake up I can't take it I want to die I can't make It I don't know why Everybody's gonna get me No One's gonna come set me free Oh how I wish I could just stop this Oh why can't you see Just stop, you're hurting me I'm so sorry I just couldn't see And now I just hate me So sad, you just can't be happy Everybody wake up Everybody wake up Everybody wake up Everybody wake up I can't take it I want to die I can't make It I don't know why Everybody's gonna get me No One's gonna come set me free Everybody shut up Everybody shut up Everybody shut up Everybody shut up What's happening? Was it a lie? Do I hate him? Is it my mind? Everybody's messing with me I can't tell what is reality So now I'm Stuck in my mind Can I get out still? Will I be trapped In this fate And end up like them? I've gotta fight I'm still sane In some right, I'm not them I was so close That I saw my ghost But now I can see That that isn't me I don't want to be Like them, it's not pretty So now, I won't hurt me I don't just want pity And I've got so much left To do, and still my best It waits, for me to make It through, but is it fake? I hope that this is true 'cause then I can help you But I'm just sad to see 'cause this was supposed to be happy
3.
Today 01:30
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Every day I cannot wait To see what sticks with me I can't escape this fate Unless I am set free But I can't get that way Unless my mind's erased Once the dark clouds all part I'll finally get to start And every day I wait I don't know what to see I end up losing hope And I lose a part of me But when it finally sticks I cannot wait to see Is this what it feels like To finally be free? But sometimes it's just so hard I don't know how to play my part Suddenly the panic starts And everything just breaks my heart And I can't take it anymore But you know that, I said before I've tried so hard, got lots to say So that's why it broke me, I screamed today
4.
Tonight 02:53
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I'm feeling lonely tonight So I'm gonna fight With myself And if it's only one night Then why should I find Someone's help? I can't wait Until I leave ths place If it's ever Gonna be that way I can't wait To leave it up to fate 'Cause somebody's gonna make me go away I'm feeling lonely tonight So I'm gonna fight With myself And if it's only one night Then why should I find Someone's help? I'm feeling lonely tonight So I'm gonna fight Someone else And since it's only one night Well, then I don't need Anyone else I just can't pretend it all exists 'cause what matters is that I persist Just stay quiet While they bite and hiss I just can't depend On fighting all of this I'm feeling lonely tonight So I'm gonna fight With myself And if it's only one night Then why should I find Someone's help? I'm feeling lonely tonight So I'm gonna fight With myself Well, it's been more than one night So I wouldn't mind If you helped
5.
12-30-20 04:06
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Hey dad I'm sorry I just couldn't make you proud It's been ten years since you died and I just don't know how Every day I end up wasting really brings me down I guess it ain't so bad though, 'cause I'm still not in the ground There's always a chance You'll see If you work for it you can be free There's a new year coming up I wanna work hard so I won't be stuck I'm gonna try my best to make a name But what if it just ends up being the same? I have reached my limits More times than I can count And my head keeps spinning 'Cause I'm always filled with doubt I'm only so lonely 'cause there is no one around Well, I got them, but man they're always bringing me down There's a new year coming up I wanna work hard so I won't be stuck I'm gonna try my best to get back on top I really hope there's nothing forcing me to stop Again This year was not good, but I don't need to tell you that. None of it really matters though now, 'cause... it's over. The year that is. But of course things never go to plan, ya know. Always have big plans for the end of the year. They never come true. I just wanted to get something done that would make my dad proud, something that I could be proud of, and I couldn't, because I'm just not capable of making things as fast as it needs to happen... because I'm so depressed. But I'm going to try so hard to actually make things happen next year. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Well I tried

about

A Story Told Out of Order (part 1)

I just naturally got into a habit of making a "fuck xyear" album or EP every year, because pretty much every year since I've started making music has been shit, and, even though songs only take me a few hours to make, it only ever seems like I can release one thing a year because they always get perpetually delayed and it's hard to record final vocals.

2020 (and 2019 really) was so bad though that one album is not enough.

No.

2020 requires a whole trilogy to express how bad it was. And this is part 1.

Everything on this EP was written and recorded in December 2020 and mixed here and there over 2021, mostly in December, fittingly.

It felt weird listening to these songs again, considering things are so different to how they were when I wrote these.

I'm still not happy, but things are certainly Better.

credits

released January 7, 2022

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Featuring Riley Pinkerton (aka The Rat Queen) from the theatrical NYC rockers, Castle Rat.
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